Makeup get (✿◠‿

 

Today I went to Sephora after work! I am still on a low/no buy to save up for another trip this summer and because i way overspent last year rip but I had rewards points and wanted to treat myself. I learned a lot from my no buy month, and this was actually something I felt like I would use. 

I finally got a fresh berry toned blush! I used to have another one by the same brand, but it eventually got old, and besides I wear powder foundation now and that one was cream so it wouldn't work anyways. I loved it so much because it lasted forever. Definitely used it daily for a year and barely looked touched! You might think this shade would look crazy on me, but it looks like a really natural flush. When I was still on instagram I saw a video about how deep berry looks like a natural flush on pale cool toned skin, and so I started looking for a shade like this! I realized lately I really don't like the look of pink blush on me, I only like this and orange. So I hope I will end up using this as much as I used the last one! I also had $15 in credit card rewards for Sephora so I was able to buy this for like $12 :0 I'm really excited to wear it for Valentines day since I think it will match my black dress well. 

I also looked for a pear perfume for Valentines day. They didn't have a mini of the one I wanted, so I took some samples to think about it. I don't really want a full size, but I remembered I do still have a Sephora gift card so maybe if I do still want that one I'll get it. 

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That's all for tonight, talk soon ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

New nail

 Thank you for all of your kind comments on my past few posts! I don't know why but it has been a little hard for me to reach out lately so I haven't responded, but I really appreciate when you comment on my posts. It's nice to know my friends are reading (▰˘◡˘▰)

I got my valentines nails done yesterday. I'm wearing a black dress for our date, so I got red rose themed nails. Rui had this design on display and I really liked it! The roses are drawn first and then covered in chrome powder and red jelly to have that interesting transparent effect. I also have red glitter on the tips because I couldn't resist xD 

Good news ~

 No more pictures today ~ 

I gotta good news at the eye specialist. I’m supposed to go for several months of vision therapy which should hopefully cure the issues I’ve been having. What a relief. 

The only unfortunate part is that insurance doesn’t cover this, they see it as non essential which is just …. Yeah. American healthcare. Typical. My blog is an escape so I won’t write about it, but it’s stupid. I’m glad I can afford to go anyways but it makes me wonder about if circumstances weren’t as fortunate for me. 

I’m just happy I can go and hopefully put an end to another medical problem. I really hope this is the year that I start healing from head to toe. I feel a new me emerging with each day ~~ the true Rae is blossoming 

Find that gal power

 Getting ready for my eye specialist appointment today.. I’m so nervous. I couldn’t sleep last night. I’m worried about what they will tell me, or if they can help me at all. It’s my first evaluation and I’m hoping they find something fixable. 

I’m also really worried they’ll tell me I have to wear glasses forever and can’t wear contacts, I hate the feeling of glasses on my face and feel like they would ruin my 90’s gal look. 

I’m tired of feeling compromising and making accommodations. I’m already extremely limited with shoes and I feel like 90’s gal has such a focus on the platforms. I wanna look how I want without limitations. I think it’s hard to understand until you experience it yourself. When you have this vision of how you want to look and your illnesses prevent that, it adds more hurt to being sick in the first place. It can be a constant reminder that you are different. 

I’m going to have to dig deep to find my gal power this morning. This is tough but gals are tougher. 

Birthday party ~~

 I went to a birthday party yesterday! 

First time wearing this sweater! 

Tried different color make today with my new blush and eyeshadow from Christmas! I usually do the frosty color all over my eye but recently I’ve been trying out looks with navy blue on my lid like I see a lot of gals from around 1999 or so doing.  I also got new eyeliner and mascara since the others ran out and these are a bit darker brown, I don’t know if I like it but they were expensive so I guess l use them up. I also got the matching stitch necklace that goes with my ring (✿ ♥‿♥)

Old school outfit + life posting

 Another post? Yes! sometimes I worry about posting back to back in case one gets lost, but that's okay. 

First, my old school look that I wore to a craft supply swap meet before Christmas!

My usual daily make, plus this worm on a string I got at the meet

Next, I got my nails done on Friday! I had to get them shorter because I kept destroying the long ones. I think it might be from typing at work, and they are gel builder not acrylic so they are more flexible. I hope I don't lose my gal street cred because of this xD 

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Last, life update!! 

I have been feeling kind of subpar in multiple ways the last few years, and I finally got around to dealing with one of them. I went to see my allergist a few days ago expecting to just get a new medication, but I also got diagnosed with asthma! I am so shocked, but also very relieved.

This was probably the most pleasant doctor's appointment I've ever had. I hadn't seen him in several years, so I kinda forgot how good of a doctor he actually is. I was all prepared to go in and have to argue like I always do with other doctors and convince him that I'm actually concerned and having an issue, but literally I just said something like "I've been having a weird cough and it makes me unable to catch my breath" and he BELIEVED ME RIGHT AWAY. Like, no stupid questions that have nothing to do with anything, no argument or "come back when it gets worse". He said "oh that sounds like asthma, you can develop it at any time, wait here and I will get a test set up for you in about 10 minutes." And then after the test I was also prepared for disappointment, because he said it was slightly off but not totally, and I can't even tell you how many times a doctor has said that and followed it up with "so you're fine and I won't do anything to help". BUT then he said I could try an inhaler right that second and retake the test to see if it helped. Mind blowing. And it did help, I felt like I could easily take a full breath which I then realized I hadn't done comfortably in a very long time. I even left there with a prescription.

He also said my allergies were really terrible and gave me something to hopefully help there too. 

Now all I'm waiting for is the results of a new kind of blood test that may reveal if I'm allergic to cats so I could get allergy shots. Hopefully I'm not allergic, but even if I am at least they can actually DO something about it unlike most of my other "mystery" problems. My body hasn't reacted to the past allergy tests, so we've never been able to know what my allergies are to get me shots. Usually the allergy medications don't work well for me either, so it's been kind of stupid. That's why I wouldn't mind if this new blood test showed something, because he can tell I have allergies 100% from looking at me but the treatments haven't really worked. Either way, at least I have the medications that have worked the best in the past. 

I really hope this is the start of things looking up for me (▰˘◡˘▰)   My physical therapist said I might be fixable too. It's almost too much to hope for after so long, so I try not to think about it. 

Sensitive skin skincare

I've been wanting to show you my favorite skincare products for a while and I'm finally sitting down to do it. The past few years I’ve really focused on getting my skin under control and I feel like I finally have a good routine. These are my personal skin concerns, so if you are similar you may like what I use! 

- Mild rosacea 

- Sensitive skin 

- Combination type, can be oily or dry or normal depending on season and area of my face 

- Sensitivity to Phenoxyethanol and Hyaluronic Acid in all forms and amounts. I might try HA again in the future in small amounts, but I have to completely avoid Phenoxyethanol. I'll go into how I discovered this later. 

- Recently, more oily skin and breakouts due to coming off a medication about 6 months ago

How to Find Products

Before I go on to my products I want to explain how I chose them, because a lot of people think it was as easy as a dermatologist or allergist but it was actually a lot of trial and error. 

At first I thought that choosing products labeled for sensitive skin would be enough, but I found out that this is mostly just marketing. Everyone’s body is different and you can be sensitive to literally any ingredient, or not sensitive to something that bothers a lot of other people. This is still true even if you have the same skin concerns as someone else, so even products that others with rosacea like I might not like. 

My symptoms were dry skin, burning, and occasional breakouts. My eyes also burned a lot when I wore makeup. I had already discontinued HA years beforehand after hearing from a friend that her dry skin got worse when she used it, but I knew something else had to be bothering my skin. 

Here were my steps: 

1. What I did was first cut out everything except bare necessities like a cleanser and moisturizer.
2. Then, I bought new cleanser and moisturizer with the least amount of ingredients possible. This makes the next step easier. 
3. Ingredient tracking is super important. I wrote down each ingredient my products in a spreadsheet, and as I tried each one individually I took a note of if the product was safe or irritating. This gave me a list of which makeup and skincare products were safe and which ones were not. 
4.  I compared the ingredients in the safe products to the ingredients in the irritating products, and put an x on each ingredient that was only found in the irritating products. This gave me a list of ingredients that were potentially irritating to me specifically, instead of a general list from somewhere online. 
5. For me, it became pretty obvious that phenoxyethanol was the culprit because it was in almost every product that made my skin burn. When I did more research, I found out that this ingredient is a preservative that replaced parabens and that more evidence is coming out that it triggers dry eye and rosacea symptoms. The funny thing is, I think I have no issue with parabens. My symptoms actually coincided with the whole paraben scare and companies removing those ingredients. This is why I said before not to be drawn in by marketing that something is "safer" because it just depends on your body specifically. For example any kind of apple extract makes me break out, even though that's mostly non-irritating for others.
6. Now that I know my sensitivity, I can use pretty much any product without it! I still am very cautious and patch test on a part of my cheek for several days with anything new, since there are still some things I've come across that will irritate my skin. 

Products 

Okay now that I've explained how I found them, here are the products I use every day! I have used most of these for at least a year. Some of them are unfortunately discontinued. I do not try many products and I prefer to stick with what I know won't irritate me. 

Cleanser - Beekman 1802 Milk Bar

I only cleanse at night to remove my makeup. I cleanse twice with this facial bar soap. It's super gentle and doesn't do anything other than cleanse your skin, which is perfect for me. Unfortunately it looks like this may have been discontinued and was only available on one site, so I stocked up on several bars for the last time. A bar does last me FOREVER though, so I should be good for another year or two. 

Cleanser- Philosophy Clear Days Ahead 

About once or twice a month, I will use this acne cleanser focusing on my chin and nose. It's still very gentle despite being an acne cleanser, and I can tell my skin is also a lot smoother after using it especially on my nose. I don't struggle with deep cystic acne anymore (knock on wood..), just clogged pores, so this is enough to clear those. I'm careful not to overuse it because I don't want to irritate my skin and make it breakout more. I also use acne patches when I need to. 

Makeup Remover- Garnier Micellar water Blue/Pink

My eye makeup doesn't come all the way off with just the cleanser, so I use one of these depending on if I'm wearing lashes or not. The blue one will remove lash glue but the pink one won't. I always always rinse my face again after using these, especially the blue one, so that no residue is left. 

Facial Spray- Tower 28 SOS Spray

This spray really helped as I was still flaring up. I still use it twice a day or whenever my rosacea feels flared up from stress. It has Hypochlorous acid, which is supposed to calm down irritated skin. I buy the jumbo size during the Black Friday sale and it lasts me an entire year! 

Moisturizer- Peach Slices Redness Relief

I can't even tell you how many of these I've gone through! I buy them when there is a sale at Ulta. This is a gel moisturizer which I find is easier on my skin and doesn't suffocate it. Sometimes thicker creams can make my skin feel too hot or break out. 

Night Cream- Laneige Cica Sleeping Mask

This is too thick for me to use all over my face, but my friend told me that cica was able to calm down her deep acne spots before they came to the surface so I decided to try it! I use it as a spot treatment over any cystic spots, which doesn't happen much anymore. I also use it after an acne spot clears up and the area is flakey and dry. Unfortunately, I just found out this was reformulated so I don't know if I'll rebuy it or just make do without since the new formula seems to be thinner/lighter which would defeat part of the purpose for me. 

Eye Cream- REM Beauty Energizing Undereye Balm

I only got this a few weeks ago as a Christmas present, so I'm not sure how well it works yet. I can't say I have much of a concern for my undereye areas but it was a free gift with the other REM products I asked for so I will use it up! So far no irritation which is great. 

Sunscreen- Kopari Sun Shield On the Glow 

I used to really hate SPF because it always gave me massive, painful acne. I realized I just couldn't use mineral sunscreen (again always marketed as "safer"), specifically any kind of zinc sunscreen. My rosacea is much better when I wear a daily sunscreen, and I think this also makes my skin smooth for my makeup over top of it. I was worried about the sparkles in this stick but they aren't noticeable. 

Acne Patches- Good Molecules 

This has to be the best spot patch I've ever used. They are super sticky and secure so they don't roll off overnight or during the day. 

Acne Patches- Rael Miracle Patch 

I use these retinol spot patches only when I get a cystic acne spot, which has been decently rare now. I bought them several months ago on a whim, but I can say that I think they do actually work. I alternate nights between this patch and the cica mask I mentioned earlier, and this seems to flatten the cystic patches before they come to the surface. 

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That's all for today!! Thanks for reading! 

Christmas!! (✿◠‿◠)

 Hello!! Happy new year! I'm behind on posting ~~ 

Somehow i didn't get any photos on christmas eve, even though I had a really cute sequin skirt D: 

This year we went to Bryan's parent's house for christmas eve + early christmas morning, and then went to my parents in the afternoon on Christmas. It ended up just being me on Christmas day because Bryan woke up sick (∩︵∩) 

This was my Christmas day outfit!! I got the dress from Walmart, I was surprised to see how much stuff they had that I liked. They really had super cute 90's style things.  

At Bryan's parents I saw some of his extended family and we played a white elephant game (Not sure if this is US only. this is a game where you randomly pick a present and sometimes trade them with other players to get something better. When it's your turn you can pick an unwrapped present or steal someone's, and then they get a new present. Usually some of the presents are joke/"bad" gifts like toilet paper or something, which is part of the game.) I won hot chocolate and a mug for Bryan and I  ≧◡≦

Then at my parents it was just my immediate family and one of our extended family members, which was very nice and quiet! 

Here is the family dog Josie shredding some wrapping paper xD This is her favorite part of Christmas. 

I'm not the best at taking photos.. but here are some of my presents ≧◡≦ I was so excited to receive them! I really needed a new blush and many of these items were on my wishlist. 

I never smelled this before putting it on my wishlist, but I knew from the description that I would be obsessed. It's a really sweet and feminine vanilla scent which tends to be my favorite. Plus if you know me, you know the only celebrity I remotely care about is Ariana.. not so much the gossip or anything, but I always liked her makeup/style and music, so I am sort of a sucker for things she releases. 

The soap is shaped like a hershey kiss and smells like chocolate! 

Bryan picked out really cute Roxy stuff for me, that orange sweater is a new favorite now. Luna wanted to join my photo as usual ♥╣[-_-]╠♥

So many manga (✿ ♥‿♥) 

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The Saturday after Christmas Bryan was feeling better and we joined more of my family to see the botanical gardens! 

My new coat from Hollister that I bought on black friday :3 

I think some of these plants would make nice clothes patterns, I want to paint them so I can turn them into custom fabric I think. 

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For new years Bryan and I stayed in and made tacos and snacked until midnight. It was very relaxing, which was perfect because there ended up being a snowstorm so we couldn't have gone anywhere anyways. 

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I might post a few more posts with outfits that came before christmas, don't mind me (⊙︿⊙✿)

Favorite Christmas gift ~

 Hello!! How was your Christmas? Bryan and I had a good Christmas Eve but he woke up sick Christmas morning so I was by myself at the festivities ●︿● 

I actually completely forgot to get a photo of my Christmas Eve outfit, I had a silver sequin skirt and high neck tank!

I need to make a full Christmas post but one of my presents from Bryan just got delivered today and I wanted to share right away because of how much I love it. 

He found me a copy of the first super gals book in English!! 

Lolita cookie meet

 Today was my jfashion group’s cookie meet! We all bake cookies and set them out for everyone to take some home. 

I finally got to wear my star dress that I bought at the convention in the summer! I also made a matching skirt for my other long furby. I think I’m calling her Princess Purple

 Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ another group member crocheted her and I won her at the raffle over the summer. 

I made the strawberry crinkle cookies!! It was so easy and I was craving strawberry cookies. I found the recipe on Pinterest, it was just cake mix, oil and eggs! Then I rolled them in powdered sugar and baked them. Super easy especially for me since I’m not very good at cooking xD 

Car shopping + Christmas decor

 Hello! 

It’s been too crazy for me to post recently. All I do is work, exercise, try to relax and sleep enough. I’ve been dressing up every day but I usually forget to get photos.  I’ve also been decorating for Christmas! 

I added some new ornaments to my tree after this, but here is Luna enjoying it. 

Our theme is peppermint! It’s the first year we have a full size tree. Now that we are in a house we have space for it!!

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As if I didn’t have enough going on.. my car is on its way out. There’s been too many recalls on it that the company said they don’t plan on making parts for and I don’t feel safe driving it any longer. I’ve been shopping around for something new. 

I’m really excited because tomorrow I get to try my dream car, a jeep wrangler. I went with my dad on Saturday to test drive it a bit but I get to take it for a longer drive this time. I want it SO BADLY. I’m just not sure it’ll work out for what I need yet so that’s why I’m getting the second test drive. 

I’m honestly not usually that into cars, but after shopping a bit I do understand the appeal. The jeep is still the only one that really appeals to me aesthetically though xD I looked through my soul sister magazines to get myself excited to pick a car. 

And I surprised myself with this, but I might actually be interested in taking the jeep off-roading a bit if I do buy it.  Nothing super intense, but there are some beginner events near me. I never really got into anything outdoorsy because I felt like I was too fragile with all my health stuff but I feel like being in a car is more approachable somehow. I was just telling my coworker that I’ve never had any mischievous fun, I’ve never done anything even remotely risky or exciting. So maybe this is my thing. 

I’ll update when I decide what car I’m getting! It’s my first time ever picking a car for myself. In the past I’ve ended up with the car my dad drove previously. 

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I don’t know what it is recently but I’ve felt really blah. I feel really lonely most days. Im very sensitive to other people’s emotions even when they don’t display or talk about them, so I don’t know if maybe I’m just picking up on someone else’s sadness or something?? 

It’s hard for me to make new friends even though I really want to. I’m a very shy person and get awkward and don’t know what to say, or say the wrong things even though I mean well and want to be friendly. I miss having the deep and meaningful friendships I had in college even though it did mostly end terribly. And maybe I miss my more carefree personality before shit happened to me. In some ways I care less now, but making friends is scarier because of what I’ve been through. 

Now that I live outside of the city it’s harder too. The people I used to see all the time are further away. Sometimes I regret moving here. We did really need somewhere more permanent though and buying a house in the city didn’t work out for us for various reasons. 

Really the only friends I see are at work, and if I don’t go to the office I don’t see them. It’s been snowing and icy so I’ve been at home more than usual which I don’t like at all. I know a lot of people see their coworker friends outside of work. I don’t know if mine actually like me enough for that. I am very much an extrovert but I have trouble understanding that people do actually like me after everything that’s happened. I think it’s too scary for me to try to plan those things because I’m worried it will go poorly like it has before. I don’t want to be abandoned again.

These are the times I wish I was not neurodivergent. It certainly makes this harder. I like myself as I am, but sometimes it’s still difficult. I really just want to be seen and understood for who I am and not have to perform. 

Everything will be okay. I know this is temporary. My mom always told me when I was lonely in school that it meant someone needed a friend and I should look for them. I just have to keep doing my best. 

Snow ❄️

 

Look at my view this morning! Isn’t is so pretty? ≧◡≦ 

I have some conflicting feelings today. 

I went to the eye doctor last minute last night because I had been having some issues and thought my prescription needed to be adjusted. I have a minor difference/issue in my eyes up close that most people don’t have, and I was afraid it was starting to affect my distance too. Well, he told me I was most likely right and I need to go to vision therapy. 

On one hand I’m happy because he knows someone who can help and I know that he is a good doctor my family has seen for many many years. 

On the other hand I’m nervous. 

All of my unsolvable complex medical issues have begun similarly, and ended with specialists telling me there’s nothing they can do. 

The “mainstream” fix for this issue is a special type of lens, but I would be required to wear glasses forever, I wouldn’t be able to wear contacts anymore. Hopefully if the vision therapist agrees with my doctor, the therapy will help me avoid this. 

I’m nervous she won’t agree. I could accept a world where I had to wear glasses forever, but dealing with this issue I’ve been having forever would really suck. I’m worried that she might say she can’t help. I’m hoping she at least agrees with my doctor, because even if the therapy fails I would be able to “fix” it with lenses. That would be much better than my other issues where there isn’t even a “fix” to make me comfortable.

I was able to seek out alternative care for my other main issue which I think has actually been helping a lot, but it still comes with some concerns about the cost long term. I don’t think that’s an option for vision issues though. 

Another thing is that studies show the biggest indicator of if a therapy works is simply the person believing it will work. It’s hard to believe it will work when you’ve been through so much. I’m trying my best to believe all of my therapies will work. 

I’m going to call the vision therapist later today and set up my evaluation. I’m hoping for the best. (๑-﹏-๑)

Furby x Kogal

I’m so behind on blogging! I have been working and then going to the gym and then sleeping. I’ve been trying to prioritize my physical health in several ways and I’m starting to see some good results, but I still really wanna get back to blogging  

 A few weeks ago I finally had the chance to debut my furby x kogal outfit xD I am really proud of it!! My fashion group had a meetup where we all matched our companions. melody jr wanted to match me but I wanted to match her, so we compromised ٩(*•͈ ꇴ •͈*)و ̑̑❀

Also, INTRODUCING my new short long furby!! It’s a “real” furby brand furby called DJ Furblette  

I even had my nails done to match! 

I set up all my tiny furby’s on the runway they had set up 

My outfit was all bought except my faux fur-by leg warmers that I made myself. Melody jr’s outfit was all handmade by me. Her shirt is a child’s button down that I altered to fit her, and her sweater is also a children’s sweater that I cut in half. I sewed her skirt. I’m really proud of how everything came out 

★~(◡﹏◕✿) our matching necklace/bracelet set is from my friend Kieli when she had a shop :D