Journal 10/6 boom and life

Things have been difficult for me recently, but I’m hoping it will start to improve soon. I wanted to blog earlier but I just haven’t been feeling up to it, even when I dressed up and took photos. I feel sort of guilty for being sad on here but it helps me to write about my life, and I also kinda want my blog to be as real as possible. Like, I don’t want to be an influencer or a resource, I just want to portray my life the way it is and share my outfits and crafts and thoughts. 

My health is finally starting to get better. I recently left my general doctor because of the way she was speaking to me. I had to do my own research and read medical journals and study nutrition by myself since no one treated me with respect. Turns out I have a vitamin B12 deficiency. I saw it on my blood test results before and got laughed at when I asked if I should be concerned that it was so low. It wasn’t considered severely low so they didn’t care. After finding out about my deficiency I was able to start a supplement and I am feeling much better. My foot pain is still bad but I’m working with my acupuncturist and doing exercises to help and I’m optimistic about it. She’s the only person who I feel like actually understands my situation and hasn’t thrown me out because my pain is difficult to treat. I’m honestly so thankful for her. Anyways I’m not some like health crazed person, I just wanted to share that story because I felt so alone. I hope that if someone who reads this feels the same way that hearing this might give them courage for the future. 

Mentally it’s also been a struggle since the past 2 Octobers were very traumatic for me. Last year I was discriminated against at work, lost my job, and had to start over while still dealing with the trauma of losing my community and job the year before (also in October). So October is just very stressful for my body since it’s conditioned now to expect danger D: The unpaid sick leave helped with my stress which was good. There’s a chance I could get a full time job (I’m on a contract rn) at my current company which would be great since I’d have benefits- sick/vacation time, insurance etc. It isn’t my ideal job, but it would be so good to feel like I have something stable at least. I’m sorta not getting my hopes up because of past experiences, but I do still want it to work out. 

Onto less depressing news .. haha 

I’ve gotten a lot of my energy and strength back, so I was able to get a lot of stuff done that I’ve been neglecting! I even did my nails today ≧◡≦ I really want to get back to sewing and crafting. My surf style boom is so strong xD but sadly a lot of the clothes just aren’t around anymore even on secondhand sites, so I decided to try to make my own. I’m most excited for the t-shirt and custom fabric ideas I have. I really like to paint and a lot of my paintings are tropical flowers, so I want to convert a painting to custom fabric that I can sew with! I also want to try out making custom iron ons with my cricut. I’m not super great at drawing, but I think I can do it if I keep trying! It’s not going to be anything super complicated, just a flower and a (made up by me) brand name. I have a sketch of it, I just need to figure out how to make it look good as an actual t-shirt design. Then I can finally have the wardrobe of my dreams (✿◠‿◠)

I did this palm tree and flower design on my nails based off of a page out of one of my gal mags! I’m impressed that both of my hands turned out well, but I guess I am pretty ambidextrous anyways so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised xD 

I feel really comfortable and “like myself” in tropical 90-2000’s styles. I think it might be my long term boom ≧◡≦ I keep dreaming about how I’d design a store in my dream world haha. It’s not something I actually aspire to, but it’s fun to think about. I’d just love to create a tropical (store) escape from the real world and be surrounded by pretty flowers and designs ♥‿♥ There aren’t many themed experiences left in the world, everything is becoming corporate and warehouse-y. I would love to have a place to go to experience magic again, except my magic is tropical flowers and ego system mags xD 

I really feel more gal and free ever since I stopped pressuring myself to be like anyone else. I’m so happy that I am rediscovering myself again after going through all that shit the past 2 years. I think the path ahead is bright (✿◠‿◠)